


the stars are in shock

by annadavidson



Series: even the stars, they burn (a star wars: the old republic dual au) [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Dual AU, Gen, SWTOR AU, SWTOR Dual AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-26 09:36:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12056211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annadavidson/pseuds/annadavidson
Summary: He stared down at the body in front of him.Summary: Godaey's reaction to Master Orgus' death.





	the stars are in shock

He stared down at the body in front of him. He’d taken on Lord Nefarid with only T7 at his side, having directed Xeleth to take Kira and Erika with her and destroy the Death Mark machine. In a different time, he would have asked nicely – he would have kept Kira or his cousin at his side. But instead he’d snapped at his cousin, using her love for him and the fact that the Death Mark was targeting him to get her to listen to him. Though there was no doubt in his mind that the moment she returned with the two Padawans, her priority would be making sure he was okay – both physically and emotionally. He didn’t think she’d believe any lie if he claimed he was fine.

He was far from fine.

Lord Nefarid had been a formidable opponent. Normally he didn’t like killing – he wished his foes would surrender so he wouldn’t have to strike them down. But Nefarid?

He’d enjoyed striking him down. And he was going to enjoy killing Darth Angral. They deserved to die for all the lives they had harmed – they deserved to die for his Master. He thought killing Master Orgus was the last mistake Darth Angral would ever make. It would be the last life the Sith would ever take, if he had anything to say about it.

In all his life, Godaey had never felt such anger. He’d never felt such a drive to end someone’s life as he had when Nefarid had shown his face. He’d never been taught what to do with that anger – Jedi were supposed to stay calm, to not fight with their emotions. But he’d wielded his anger like he wielded his lightsaber. He had cut Nefarid down not just with his lightsaber, but also a roar of anger.

And now? Now, he felt sore. He took a couple steps back, moving away from the Sith Lord’s body before stumbling and falling to his knees. He caught himself, his arms shaking as he held himself up. He heard T7 beeping at him and sensed the little droid was coming closer to him, concerned for him. He made out beeps that sounded like the droid was contacting Xeleth, either letting her know the battle was won or telling her that her cousin was far from okay – the latter, however, was a fact the young woman probably already knew.

He couldn’t focus on whatever else T7 was saying, the droid now trying to talk to him, perhaps even scanning him for any physical injuries. There was a sad edge to the droid’s beeps. T7 was mourning too. And like his Jedi companion, T7 didn’t seem to know what to do now.

Godaey hadn’t known his Master for that long. But Orgus had taken him in, guided him, had faith in him from the beginning. No, he hadn’t known his Master for as long as others – such as Kira and Master Kiwiiks – but time didn’t always dictate how strong a bond could be. And time didn’t say he couldn’t grieve.

But time hadn’t taught him how to grieve.

He’d been young when he’d lost his aunt and uncle. He barely remembered their lives, let alone their deaths. He remembered hearing about the deaths of Kyle’s parents, a couple of troopers he’d met through his own parents. But he hadn’t been there for their deaths. He hadn’t witnessed their deaths. He hadn’t witnessed his aunt and uncle’s deaths.

Life hadn’t prepared him for this – for a loss like this. Life hadn’t taught him how to handle it. His parents had, in a way, sheltered him from grief, from pain like this. And now he didn’t know what to do with it.

His hands were balled into fists, his forehead against the hard, cold floor. He shook with sobs, wishing he could wake up from this nightmare. It wasn’t just the pain that held him down, but fear. He was afraid of what he would do when he got his hands on Darth Angral, and he was afraid of what he had done to Lord Nefarid. He’d taken the man’s life and still felt no remorse for him. With the other Siths, he’d been remorseful, wishing they could be like Lord Praven and change their ways, joining the Light Side.

But he was  _so glad_  that Nefarid was dead. And that scared him. It wasn’t right, but he couldn’t shake that feeling away – he couldn’t shake the relief he felt at Nefarid’s death, the satisfaction. He couldn’t shake the anger at Darth Angral. He couldn’t shake the need for revenge.

He heard footsteps and reached for his lightsaber. As they drew closer, he activated the lightsaber and swung, jumping to his feet. He put his fear, anger, and his grief into the swing of his saber. He stopped cold as he realized who it was, the blade of his saber mere inches from Xeleth. She looked startled for a brief moment – Erika’s hands even went to the hilts of her two lightsabers on instinct. Within seconds, Xeleth’s expression softened into understanding, sympathy. After all, he hadn’t been the only one to loose Orgus.

He turned his lightsaber off and dropped it, defeat causing his shoulders to slump. Instantly she was there, her arms around her cousin. He clung to her, burying his face against her shoulder.

 _“I should go with you,”_  he’d said to his Master. He’d felt a sinking feeling in his stomach, something – perhaps the Force – telling him not to leave his Master’s side, but Orgus had been insistent. The older man had insisted that he was needed with Xeleth, Erika, Kira, and T7. He’d insisted that the five of them would be needed to infiltrate the Imperial base and destroy the Death Mark machine.

Perhaps Orgus had known he wouldn’t be making it back from Angral’s ship. Perhaps he’d known his former Padawan would meet the same fate, had they gone together. Perhaps he’d insisted Godaey stay with the others to protect him.

But  _perhaps_  and  _maybes_  didn’t take the pain away.

Godaey felt Xeleth’s grip tighten as if to reassure him that she was still there, and he heard her whispering apologies to him, quiet so that the words would remain between them. It created the feeling that they were back at home, that perhaps this had been just a nightmare he’d woken up from.

He begged the Force for this to be nothing more than a nightmare, but he knew in his heart that this was anything but that.

**Author's Note:**

> Like/reblog on Tumblr [here](http://magicrobins.tumblr.com/post/165210154790/the-stars-are-in-shock).
> 
> Xeleth Jabil's owner: [Tumblr](http://jellyfishlovesloki.tumblr.com/) & [Pinterest](https://www.pinterest.com/shelbyfrisk/).


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